Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
