I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
