I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
