I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
