Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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