Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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