i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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