I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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