did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
