dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
