Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
