my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
