you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize