Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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