can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he fucked my hip out of place.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
