pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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