He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
