I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
