he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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