In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
