im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
