So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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