2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
