i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
