I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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