I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Someone came in the potted fern
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
