How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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