We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
