i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
