I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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