I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
