Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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