I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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