I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
