When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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