I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
