let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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