I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
