Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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