somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
