hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
