Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
