You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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