i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
