3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
