you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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