i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
