if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
May the power of my ass compel you!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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