tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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