either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
