Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
