I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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