And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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