i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
