some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
