I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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