I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
