Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just tell him i said nine months
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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