She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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