I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
