HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize