I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
