So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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