He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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