It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
