are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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