So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
