you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
