I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
